Friday, February 17, 2006

Disturbing comment

Probably, the first of many to come. At work today, a co-worker and friend asked me if I had seen the American snowboarder in the Olympics that was adopted from Korea. We started talking about how excited his mom was watching him compete. His parents are big ski enthusiasts and had him skiing by the time he was two or three. She then went on to say "I wonder if his real mom knew that he was in the Olympics". I assured her that his "real" mom was there watching him compete and that his birth mother, the women who abandoned him, would have no reason to think that he was the child she gave birth to. She, of course, was very embarassed and apologetic but it still bothered me. I'm not mad at her because I know she wasn't intentially being unthoughtful but it did make me think about the many comments to come. I guess I'll have to grow some thicker skin.

6 comments:

The Flamingo said...

I can see why that bothered you. The term "real mom" has always bugged me as well. The people watching him compete will always be his "real" family, they have loved him and nurtured him for his entire life, and it doesn't get much more real than that.
Take a minute to check out my blog!

Jacquie said...

The "real" comments bug me too. Great comeback on your part.

Donna & Joe said...

Yup, I think we will be dealing with the word "real" for the rest of our lives. At least from most people it will be because of their lack of a better word, such as "birth" mom or "biological" mom. It's other people that I worry about dealing with. It's the strangers in a store with prying questions and comments that are really going to bother me.

Stephe said...

Hi. I totally agree with what Donna said. Plus, you can always look at the positive side of this conversation...I am sure that from now on your friend/people will not make such a comment. Even well intentioned friends say stupid things sometimes! I guess we'll all have to deal with the comments - one person at a time! :)

Lisa and Tate said...

When I hear these comments that would usually chap my hide... I just try to think that this comment was not made in an attempt to be rude or hurtful... It is just their attempt in trying to be interested and involved in my adoption process. I have to remember that they are not "SCHOOLED" in international adoption and have not thought of all the things that we think about... Just blow it off and thank them for their interest in you and Ava...
Lisa

Johnny said...

Howdy, wandered over here from the Laukat's blog. I wanted to commend you not freezing or shrugging off the comment. As you said, it wasn't meant to hurt, but you corrected them and hopefully it will cause that person to think of things in a different way in the future. Maybe.